Dawn Patrol

As a keen surfer with the usual life constraints, going on dawn patrol is a fine way to utilise otherwise wasted daylight.  I've written this guide to ensure maximum enjoyment, as it's just not as simple as "getting up a bit early".

As with all missions, preparation is important, but don't go crazy.  As Jarod Kintz once said:

“Sleeping in a tinfoil suit keeps me warmer and helps prepare me for 

my voyage to the moon. Would you care for some licorice? 
” 

DAWN - THAT BIT BEFORE THE SUN COMES UP

Things you'll need

(a) 2 surfboards, pre-waxed and leashed;
(b) banana;
(c) wetsuit;
(d) toothbrush, pre-loaded with toothpaste;
(e) cereal in a small container;
(f) the appropriate eating utensil;
(g) 300ml of milk;
(h) 2 litres of tap water;
(i) business suit, including socks;
(j) wife (optional)
(k) towel;
(l) tweet saved to drafts that proudly announces words to the effect of "...the surf is fizzing and I'm all over it..."

Preparation

The night before, load your car with your two board quiver: your usual weapon, plus something a bit chubbier in case you've misinterpreted the conditions.  Hang the business suit (complete with required trimmings) off the passenger grab-handles, and load the water, cereal and milk into the footwell, covering with the towel to keep them cool. Wedge the pre-loaded toothbrush in one of the seatbelts as indicated below.

Half peel the banana and mount from the sun visor.  If you have a crap car, or live in a neighbourhood watch area, you can even leave the keys in the ignition overnight(1)

THIS IS WHAT A DAWNY EQUIPPED VEHICLE LOOKS LIKE

                                     1 - Pre-loaded toothbrush;

                                     2 - No tie or indeed jacket required today - always dress according to the conditions;

                                     3 - If you can't afford surfplugs, any cord attached earplug system will suffice;

                                     4 - Pre-peeled banana, that's right, I haven't attached it yet.

Leave your wetsuit in the downstairs bathroom, or well away from the sleeping quarters.  If you're really keen, you can sleep in your wetsuit, though from experience this can be unpleasant.

Procedures

You need to be arriving at the beach around 10 minutes before dawn (y) begins. That means setting your alarm at x am, where x = y - t - 20mins,  where t is your travel time.  I've generously allowed 10 minutes of time for faffing around at home in this helpful, yet still elegant equation.

If you awake during the night, it is worth checking the swell (@sevenstonesbuoy) to soothe the pre-surf anxiety that often sets in.  At all costs, and this is important, do not wake the wife.  Wives can be vicious and unpredictable if improperly aroused while sleeping.  It is also important that she is unsure of your departure time.

Once the alarm hits, dismount the bed.  Confidently stride into the bathroom, and at least try to drop one off.  You simply won't have time later - why not make a start on that wetsuit while you wait? Then flush, do up your wetsuit (of course washing your hands) and then jog on to your vehicle.  Some people like to leash up at this stage, but I personally find it gets caught around the gear knob, and can restrict braking.

Ignition, lights, check your mirrors, and then pull away slowly in first gear.  I like to combine this step with a tentative first bite from the hands-free banana.  Next, drive it like you stole it(2).

Upon arrival at the beach, if all is as planned, you should be at around T minus 10 minutes.  It might still look a bit like this outside:

Irrespective of the quality of the surf, and whether you can actually see it yet, now is the time to fire your tweet off about how good it is.

Complete your pre-surf routine(3), jog down to the beach, paddle out and enjoy your surf.  Don't panic if you've arrived a little too early, you'll still be able to hear the approaching sets, unless you are wearing surfplugs(4) in which case you're genuinely buggered.

Make a special effort to speak to the first person you see out the back, and announce that it "seems to have dropped off a bit since earlier on."  Treat any late arrivals (i.e. those that turn up after the sun has actually risen) with raised eyebrows if they claim to be on a dawny.

Final points

When you're done, jog back to your vehicle, dewetsuitise(5) and pour the entire 2l bottle of tap water over your head to get the salt off, paying particular attention to problem ear areas.  Quickly dry, and put on the business suit with the required trimmings.

Now it's time for that cereal, a quick brush of the teeth (you'll now be thankful that you preloaded that toothbrush) to give your smile that extra shine that you've just scored while most of the other suckers were still asleep.

And try to stay awake for the rest of the day, especially in front of the wife.

Footnotes:

(1) Don't do this if you live in Newquay, your car will get nicked.

(2) If you live in Newquay and didn't follow footnote (2), the chances are someone is already doing this on your behalf.

(3) I wouldn't bother with any yoga, there is unlikely to be anyone around to see it anyway.

(4) For each click on the above link, Rob Shaddick has kindly agreed to send me one less spam email each day.

(5) Gents, please use a towel; Ladies - not so important.